


Never look back

by rizzles123



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, Post-Season/Series 02
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-31
Updated: 2018-05-31
Packaged: 2019-05-16 12:24:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14811326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rizzles123/pseuds/rizzles123
Summary: She didn't look back... Or she couldn't look back, she knew that if she did, she would have given in, she would have stayed and she didn't think she could bear it if she had to look at their faces everyday, the people she'd saved, the people she had killed hundreds to save...





	Never look back

**Author's Note:**

> Hello people who stumble across this and decide to give it a try. I normally don't do anything like this (by that i mean post anything, not write) but I was bored and got a burst of confidence (not a big one just enough to actually post this) I don't know if it's good, because i never really like anything I do, but i do hope at least one person enjoys it.  
> Maybe i shouldn't have started on ao3 because I'm not sure its properly tagged but whatever, it's done.

She didn't look back... Or she couldn't look back, she knew that if she did, she would have given in, she would have stayed and she didn't think she could bear it if she had to look at their faces everyday, the people she'd saved, the people she had killed hundreds to save... She knew she'd have more than enough reminders of her actions in her dreams, and her people didn't really need her anymore, she'd done her part, she'd sacrificed her soul for them she didn't have anything else to give her body now a shell for a broken mind. So Clarke didn't look back, she kept her head held high, disappeared through the trees and only after a full day of walking with no real destination, when the moon was high up in the sky, did she fall on her knees and let the tears fall.

A few hours later she wakes up inhaling sharply, she doesn't scream, but her body is covered in a cold sweat and her eyes wide and unfocused as she looks at her surroundings, someone not having woken up from a nightmare would have seen the trees, the flowers, would have heard the sound of water nearby, but Clarke only sees the blistering faces of the mountain children and of the ones who had helped her people, only sees their accusing eyes staring at her and only hears their screams. She covers her ears and shuts her eyes as tightly as she can but that does little to make them stop and says as loud as she can muster, which was barely a whisper. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I didn't have a choice, please...please" She doesn't know what she's begging for, perhaps for them to leave her alone, perhaps for them to forgive her, but she lays there for what feels like an eternity just saying the word "Please" over and over until the screams slowly stop and when she opens her eyes their images are gone too. She knows they will probably return and, even though she can't see them, the guilt is still entirely there but for now they're gone and she sighs felling a little relieved.

This time as she looks around she does see the trees, and the flowers, doesn't marvel at their beauty as she might have once done though, and hears the flow of water from what is probably a nearby stream nearby. She realizes she fell asleep exhausted after her breakdown the night before and when she slowly gets up finally feels the dryness of her throat. As she follows the sound to the stream she realizes she only has her gun, she has nothing to carry water for later use, no food and no actual experience on getting any, she'll have to rely on the various fruits and roots she sees any animals eat at least until she can built traps like she learned in class and teach herself how to hunt.

The water isn't far, when she finds it she goes to her knees, cups her hands and brings the water to her mouth to take a small sip, it doesn't taste like there is anything obviously wrong with it and it is moving water, the best she can do for now. She drinks enough to trick her stomach to think she's eaten, it hasn't been long since she left, people last way longer without food, but she knows she'll have to find something to eat eventually, but first she needs a plan.

She figures that the best course of action is to keep moving, her mother will surely at least try to get people to search for her, no matter what Bellamy says to get her not to, she also doesn't know what the Sky People's standing with the Grounders is, so trying to find villages is out of the question, plus she doesn't think she is anywhere near ready to be with a large group of people... the fact that any village might remind of TonDC is a good incentive to keep away. She'll stay clear of Polis, wherever that is, she is in no way ready to face Lexa after she left the Sky people to die... after the brunette broke the trust Clarke gave her, and although the blonde isn't ready to face it she mostly isn't ready to face Lexa after the leader of the grounders turned the "not yet" Clarke had uttered into a "never", destroyed any hope that situation gave the blonde. She can't face that truth yet, but luckily she doesn't have to, all that matters in this moment is surviving and trying to bear the weight of what she's done. She'll face it later, or never...

The more pressing manner IS her need of supplies, she'll have to go to the dropship, it is probably the first place anyone would look for her if they're searching but it has been less than 24 hours since she's left them, they are most likely still getting themselves together, they can't possibly have a search party ready and out yet, so she'll go there, see what they have that can be useful for her, then she'll go to the mountain, probably the last place they'd expect her to be, but she feels that there is something that she needs to do there, and as much as she doesn't want to go close to that place, she can't ignore a feeling so strong, after the mountain she'll go in any direction that doesn't lead her to a place she's been to before.

She takes a deep breath, gets up "Okay I can do this, I have to do this." and starts heading towards what she believes to be the direction of the dropship.


End file.
